by Dick Sutphen
These rights allow for expression instead of repression. The
assertive individual grants them to all others while demanding them
for himself.
1. You have the right to do anything as long as you do not purposely
hurt someone else and you are willing to accept the consequences.
2. You have the right to maintain your self-respect by answering
honestly even it does hurt someone else (as long as you are being
assertive rather than aggressive.)
3. You have the right to be what you are without changing your ideas
or behavior to satisfy someone else.
4. You have the right to strive for self-actualization (to be all you
can be).
5. You have the right to use your own judgment as to the need
priorities of yourself and others, if you decide to accept any
responsibility for another's problem.
6. You have the right not to be subjected to negativity.
7. You have the right to offer no excuses or justification for your
decisions or behavior.
8. You have the right not to care.
9. You have the right to be illogical.
10. You have the right to change your mind.
11. You have the right to defend yourself.
Live your life doing things because you want to do them or because as
a personal value judgment or compromise, you have agreed to do them.
Any decision resulting in loss of self-respect is unacceptable. Do
not do things because they are expected of you or because you think
you should or because you will feel anxious or guilty if you don't.
Assertion is commonly mistaken for aggression, but understand that to
be assertive means that you are standing up for your basic human
rights. Aggression is a matter of forcefully violating the rights of
another, and there is no excuse for such behavior.
An important part of assertiveness is showing consideration for the
feelings and rights of others, without letting your kindness or
empathy be used as an opening for manipulation. Realize that
background conditioning has made everyone good at manipulation and
people will use your vulnerability as an opening. The better they
know you, the better they know your vulnerable areas. So, the
assertive individual becomes an expert at expressing his rights,
needs and feelings in a kind way. She shows equal respect for the
same rights, needs and feelings of others.
People often avoid being assertive because they feel others will
dislike or avoid them if they speak up and say what they really feel.
That is not a rational justification for allowing yourself to be
manipulated. If, by any chance, someone stopped liking
you because you said "no," are you going to miss their friendship? If
you are one of the millions who go through life thinking that a wrong
word, refusal or assertion is going to end a relationship, it is time
to realize that is simply not how things work. Such thinking is
usually based on such a strong need to be liked that you sacrifice
your own self-respect, often without realizing it. You also probably
fail to distinguish between being liked and being respected.
Now is the time to become an assertive individual. You have basic
human rights that others are going to have to learn to respect, just
as you will respect their rights. As a free, assertive individual,
you will actually learn to give and take more fairly than ever
before, thus becoming of more service to yourself and others. Now is
the time to become relaxed about revealing yourself through your
words and actions and to begin to communicate openly, directly, and
honestly with the people in your life.
